Wednesday, December 19, 2012


Well, one day to go. The end of the world is nigh, apparently, and it is nigher for us down here in New Zealand than it is for the rest of you. We reach December 21 way ahead of anyone else so perhaps we're the canary in the mine. If we are obliterated, you lot are not far behind.

I'm assuming, of course, that the so-called prediction of Earth's demise is accurate as to dates. I mean, 21st December 2012 is quite precise. The trouble is, 21st December here in New Zealand is only 20th December most of elsewhere. Not only that, it is a matter of what time on the 21st December this event is supposed to take place. Midnight? Eight o'clock in the morning? If the world blows up one second after midnight, New Zealand time, then those of you up there in say New York could feel aggrieved that you still had seventeen hours of 20th December to live it up that you were now deprived of. If you could still feel, of course, seeing that the world had, as it were, disappeared. You could sue the Mayans for false advertising – oh no, you couldn't of course – drat.

And think of poor little Niue Island, just up there north-west of New Zealand. Niue is twenty three hours behind New Zealand – will the Niueans have to wait their turn, watching the rest of the world disintegrating until one second after midnight, Niue time? No of course not – a disintegrating world surely couldn't fragment itself piece by piece because of the trifling matter of time zones.

As for those deluded individuals who have made plans to protect themselves from the coming devastation – good luck. However I fail to see how gas masks and underground bunkers are going to help. What happens when the bangs and shakes and fires have died down? Do people really think they will emerge blinking from their bunkers – hello? Bunkers are built underground and the ground will not be there, and nor will the people. There will just be space and the debris of Earth in the form of trillions of tiny asteroids whizzing about.

The Mayans must have got it wrong. Or rather, we have got them wrong. They didn't actually predict the end of the Earth anyway, they simply stopped constructing their calendar at 21st December 2012. They probably got tired of writing "18th December, 19th December, 20th December, 21st December ..." and said enough is enough. After all, they had to stop somewhere.

But – just in case – bye bye, love to all ...


  1. let us know how it goes so we know what to expect here. :)

  2. Will do - counting down. You're 17 hours behind. Will phone from Mars